WARNING: Contains spoilers. Written from the POV of a manga reader, so anime-only viewers please beware.
Oh boy, what an episode! For a manga reader like me, everything felt so rushed, given the almost three weighty chapters condensed into only twenty five minutes of anime. Let’s see how Director Hayashi and his crew fared this time around.
Warriors in All Their Glory
We meet the warriors once again, this time with formal assessment from Magat himself. I absolutely love the way they animated this section of the manga’s Chapter 95. The photos that look like mugshots and the sheets with detailed drawings that look like design specifications are absolutely fantastic. I live for the rare moments when an adaptation is better than the original, and this is one clear instance where the animators truly outdid themselves. Aren’t the drawings wonderful? Bravo to the MAPPA artists!
I’m loving it, the anime-only images inspiring me to make one collage after another. I’ll post what I’ve made in a separate article.
An Apple from the Secret Royal
The warrior candidates are having a chat that would soon turn into a Porco vs Reiner argument, and we see an anime-only scene of young Zeke biting into an apple before tossing it to his fellow warriors. I wonder what that apple symbolizes? In Krista’s picture book we saw a scene of Founder Ymir in human form handing an apple to the devil. I feel the apple is associated with the Founder and this is the anime’s way of saying her blood runs through Zeke’s veins.
In a ticker tape parade the newly-minted warriors are proudly waving to a cheering crowd, and here is another anime-only scene that I simply love:

Isn’t this birds-eye-view (or drone view for us 21st-century humans) just breathtaking? I love all the details that went into the background scenery. It looks like a lovely old Italian town, and especially because COVID-19 restrictions don’t allow for travel, I am thankful for this beautiful scene for providing a moment of escapism. Two thumbs up!
Toxic Mother, Toxic Father
Next to Historia’s mum, Karina Braun gets the Never Mother of the Year award, and here we see her deluding herself and her son into believing that their becoming honorary Marleyans would make Reiner’s Marleyan father want to live together as a family. So the bastard son takes it upon himself to realise his mother’s dream, futile though it may be. He gets to confront his father who rejects them both outright, and the way the scene is voiced and acted in the anime makes the encounter truly heartbreaking.

With this scene we are reminded once again of how tragic Reiner’s life is. Tragedy is an almost guaranteed result when a child is forced to live a parent’s dream instead of his own, and in this episode we see Reiner breaking down before our eyes, bowed by the weight of his failure to live up to expectations, both external and self-imposed. Poor Reiner. He soon remembers past events and they are all clothed in tragedy.
A Sacrifice
Marcel confessing to Reiner about what he did to save Porco, and then saving Reiner from Ymir and dying in the process, is so well-animated. The haunting music is perfect, and so are the colors of the sky as it transitions from night to dawn. I expected to hear Marcel’s screams while he was being devoured, but I also like the still-type way they illustrated the incident.

This event would haunt Reiner for the rest of his life, and it’s so hard to blame him for wanting to end it all, as we shall see later in the episode.
Annie Says It Honestly
The way Annie savages Reiner after what happened is shown in its full brutality. We see her blinded with rage, kicking him again and again and saying what she really thinks about the stupidity of the entire world and the meaninglessness of whatever it is they’re trying to achieve. It’s Annie in her rawest and most merciless, forecast by her stomping on that grasshopper earlier in the episode. We know that later on she’ll stomp on Original Squad Levi in the forest as well as other Scouts, but first it is her own comrade who is the receiving end of her fury.

Poor Reiner. This episode is all about his story, and next to Zeke’s it is perhaps the most tragic amongst the warriors. This portion of the manga is perfectly animated, no holds barred, even if they took out the manga panel of him flashing back to his mother telling her biggest lie.
Room Full of Survivors
Don’t you just love the scene below?

Classic RBA. Reiner promises to do better, Bert closes his eyes, Annie still looks pissed. The Wall Rosé hall housing the survivors is beautifully lit with natural light from outside.
An entire portion of Chapter 96 has been passed over in the anime: Well-muscled Reiner without a shirt on uprooting trees, with Annie and Bert discussing what little they’ve accomplished so far in the past two years. They’ve gathered a bit of classified information, and Annie wants to run with what they have and go home. She can’t think of anything else they could do, as getting hired as a servant by the powers that be is impossible, and she says she doesn’t have what it takes to entice one of their men into becoming lovers. Bert objects, very adorably.
I was waiting for this scene to be animated, but alas! The whole convo was chopped off, never to see the anime light of day. At least they did include the village man who hanged himself out of guilt for abandoning his kids when the titans came calling.
Annie Leonhart vs Kenny Ackermann
This scene was so promising at first: the dialogue follows the manga almost in its entirety, Annie looks fab in her color coordinated outfit, and Kenny is being our amazing Kenny. Annie’s roundhouse kick is so cool that we are reminded once again why she is Best Girl.

What disappointed me, however, was their removal of the sewer scene. In the manga (Chapter 97), Annie escapes via a tiny manhole and into the city’s sewage network. It’s a single panel but very compelling: a petite girl gagging at the rotten smell of the place. With that one panel we are made to understand all the trouble Annie goes through as a spy, and when she complains to Reiner that she’s had enough, we are sympathetic because we’ve gone down the sewer with her. It was truly unfortunate how they didn’t include this panel in the anime.
One thing I really liked, however, was this anime-only perspective:

Isn’t it incredible? I adore all the efforts the animators made to immerse us in the sights and sounds of the city. Even the shop signs are lovely. MAPPA’s backdrops are simply wonderful, and I especially like that everything feels so dark and heavy and full of secrets. Such an atmosphere best captures this arc of the manga. Another two thumbs up for this one!
Heartwarming but Terrible
What comes next is what really broke my heart, and is actually the main cause of me taking so long to post this review. Let me explain.
In the manga (Chapter 97) we see a flashback scene of cadet Eren in a very bad mood, arguing with Jean, who is being his usual cocky self. They accuse each other of incompetence and come to blows. Reiner gets between them, trying to stop the fight. Floch yells, “Early in the morning and already you’re both so fucking annoying!” Annie, dark circles under her eyes, looks on unimpressed. There is this hilarious panel of smart aleck Jean, standing behind Reiner, taunting a pissed Eren who tries to strangle him.
I absolutely loved this part of Reiner’s flashback because it reminds us of so many important things: that Reiner acted his big brother role to perfection, that Eren and Jean used to fight all the time, that the words Jean says are like daggers into Eren’s heart. He cares about what Jean thinks of him, and he reacts (sometimes overreacts) to what Jean says. This is the Eren we love so much: the boy who tries very hard to do well, to become strong and skilled yet frustrated by his lack of natural talent, and also the Jean we love so much: the talented but lazy boy who tells it straight, who doesn’t mince words, and the Reiner we love so much: the boy who in spite of himself had grown to care for his islander friends, so much so that he developed a split personality because of it.

For so long I couldn’t wait for Chapter 96 to be animated because of the sweet nostalgia it gives us at this advanced stage of the story. We need this nostalgia to remind us of the way they used to be, in order to fully appreciate how much they’ve changed. But woe is me! Chop, snip, cut, bin! The entire scene was thrown out the window in the anime, and instead we get an Eren who asks Reiner how to become strong like him and Mikasa, without any mention of Jean.
*SIGH*
I still haven’t forgiven WIT Studio for chopping off in its entirety Jean’s astounding monologue in Chapter 3 before he and Eren fight, as well as the sensational manga scene of Mikasa hoisting Eren onto her shoulder and literally taking him out of the situation. I had high hopes for MAPPA treating Jean more fairly, giving him the time of day, but alas! My hopes and dreams dashed to the ground once more.
Jean’s character gets no love from animators; even his OVA was silly, and I wonder why this is when he’s one of the best-written characters in the manga. I’m biased, of course, because I’m a Jean stan, but if you’re a manga-loving reader you’ll know exactly what I mean: Jean has the best character development amongst the 104th and it’s a total shame animators are incapable of appreciating his awesomeness.
Thus, my utter disappointment at all of the above completely sucked the writing life out of me and I spent the entirety of Monday’s lunch hour reading Jujutsu Kaisen instead of writing a review, and the evening after work watching taped anime episodes of Dorohedoro, because the other anime I love disgruntled me and I was in no mood to write a single sentence.
But it’s Tuesday now, I’ve cooled down and am back to my typing self. I’m still upset about Jean’s snubbing in this episode, but I think this can all be solved by me lowering my expectations to the point where I won’t expect anything at all when it comes to animating Jean Kirschtein.
Alright, enough ranting from me. Let’s go back to the anime and the things I liked about it.
Reiner Loses Hope
Sunlight streaming through the barred windows of a barely-lit room, haunting music, flashbacks to all his many failures and bad decisions… Our beloved Reiner is facing an existential crisis and cannot take it anymore.

Having lost all hope, he points a rifle inside his mouth, angled to blow his brains out, but just as he is about to pull the trigger, an angel saves him.
Falco.

Falco is an angel, literally. The boy’s searing honesty, his touching display of weakness and vulnerability, is what saves Reiner. It’s interesting how one person’s pain becomes the wake up call for another suffering human being. Reiner realises he still has these kids who need his help, and this is what foils his suicide attempt. What a perfectly animated scene: so atmospheric, so utterly heartbreaking. With the stunning play of shadow and light on both the interior and exterior walls, this part of the manga is beautifully brought to life by the anime.
Precious Wounded Eren
A despondent Falco schlepps to town and passes by the hospital, responding to this mysterious patient who calls out to him. I’m really glad they adapted the manga dialogue in its entirety instead of condensing it. We are blessed with hearing adult Eren speak for the first time. It is VA Yuki Kaji at his finest, using his depressed, grownup voice to bring to life our incognito protagonist posing as a mental hospital patient.
The animation is impeccable, with the anime-only man banging his head over and over against the wall being particularly emotive. Pitch perfect.

Eren looks absolutely gorgeous despite (or because of?) the messy hair and bandages. His words are incredibly stirring and poignant as always. “Only the person who pushes himself through his own sheer will is able to see what lies beyond hell. Whether it is hope or more hell I cannot say, but it is only he that moves forward who is able to find out.”
Ahhhhh. How beautifully spoken, how utterly heart-rendering. Everything Eren-related makes me cry these days. The manga is deeply sad, and the anime will become sadder as the episodes go by. Is there no end to this sadness?
As an answer to that, and to end this long-winded review, here’s a screencap of our lovely, teary-eyed protagonist, back when he was still so young, that nostalgic period when he was still unaware of the absolute, corrupting power that lurked beneath his skin.

Happy holidays, everyone!
Thank you so much for reading! What did you think of this anime episode? Please take a moment to share a thought or two in the comment section below. xoxo, hana
Next – Season 4 Episode 4 Review
Back – Season 4 Episode 2 Review
criminal offense see previous comment abt animators being dumb
Thanks, old friend! I’ll be salty about them removals for the rest of my life. If I were an animator I’d animate those scenes myself because no one else had the guts to do so xD
animators r dumb dont expect anything fr mappa when it comes to characterizations their specialty is action adventure not drama better not get ur hopes up youll just be disappointed
IKR! I’m telling myself to just look forward to the action scenes and not expect anything much when it comes to enriched characterisations. Anyway, now that I’m on winter break I’ll be watching more anime and perhaps can comment on MAPPA’s works in a comparative manner. I still feel that when it comes to AoT, anyone at all is better than WIT’s Araki. Here’s (maybe futile) hoping the change in animation studio will mean a better/fairer narrative handling in general.
love ur blue xmas decor not so much the green wall but tons of gift n fancy tree r nice
Thanks, Krissy! Yeah, I did have that Blue Xmas theme on my mind when I made the template. Was actually debating whether to make the walls yellow to contrast with the blue, but decided to keep the green because it makes the combo sadder, since this episode portrayed one sad even after another.
How’s Jujutsu Kaisen? It’s upsetting that a lot of Anime-only think this episode made Annie seem like a sociopath when she was just speaking the truth. I do like that they are adding anime-only scene it’s more fun not having a copy-paste adaptation.
Also I hope Mappa doesn’t have a EM biases.
OMFG, don’t get me started! I totally hope the exact same thing. For so long we’ve had to deal with WIT director Araki rubbing his stinking eremika fanboy ass in our faces. For so many seasons we had to watch while he tried to turn a grand, epic, historic narrative into a cheap, tropey, shonen-style love story. I’m so done with Araki and when the change of animation companies was announced I celebrated with a bottle of sparkling wine! Good riddance, I danced with joy xD
Let’s hope MAPPA director Hayashi has better taste and finer sense than Araki. Fingers crossed!
Jujutsu’s okay, I’m not its biggest fan but it’s still a fun story to read. I actually like the anime more than the manga; I think the battle-centric story is more suited to anime than manga. I like dark fantasy in general so I find myself reading/watching whatever’s in that genre.
Ah, Annie haters! So many of them, and mostly anime-only watchers, too. How sad. I understand why you’re upset; I’d be upset, too, and that’s why I no longer read the forums! xD
Annie will always be Best Girl for me. I get why she’s so violent: she wanted none of this, never had, but in a desperate effort to please her father, to be loved and praised by him, she put herself through all this shit. Like Reiner and Zeke, she’s a mere tool in her parent’s eyes. That would turn any child into a sociopath, and who could blame them, really? Annie’s only eleven years old or so in that scene. I’m not condoning her violent behaviour, but what I’m saying is that there are deeply-rooted causes and maybe even justifiable reasons behind her questionable actions, and she’s still too young to understand how to fix them. After RBA kill Marco and they had to help clean up the town after the destruction they caused, Annie was actually apologising to the dead. She knew she was partly to blame, understood that she was at fault, and worse, knew she will need to do more killing in the future. Not knowing how to process all of this, she turns to violence, but for me that still doesn’t make her a mere bully. She’s a complex, layered character and I think it’s a pity that some fans slap on a simplistic label on her. Ever since she was a child she was brought up to be merciless and violent, a brutal killing machine. Childhood trauma is incredibly damaging and nearly impossible to recover from—I know this for a fact. I feel this should be taken into consideration before judging her too harshly. Unfortunately, it’s easier for some people to just hate on her, the way they like to hate on other damaged children like Gabi, Zeke etc.
I agree, I love the anime-only additions! I’m upset about the deleted scenes which I felt were important to the story, but the additions have so far been cinematic, atmospheric, very well made.
i really screamed with that oiiiii from eren xD after more than a year without seeing him that scene at the end made me emotional, i really missed that green-eyed boy and i love that monologue he did to falco, kaji really did a good job
OMG IKR! While Jean is Number 1 for me, Eren is a solid Number 2. I love them both so, so much. I love them to death, together and separately xD I loved this new, grownup Eren. That Falco x Eren convo is another example of great writing from Isayama which the animators got perfectly right. I was very happy to see both a young Eren and an adult one, they were both so beautifully rendered. If only MAPPA was kind enough to give us a still panel of young Jean with Eren and Reiner, even if it’s just a flash during the ending theme song…
omg all that rant about the treatment jean receives, i understand you sister! it’s really frustrating to see how they treat his character i mean if he were a totally soft and flat character ok i get it i understand that they ignore the existence of him but NO!!!! he is truly the best character in snk and i’m not saying this because my emotional and mental stability depends on him! xD i say this because he has the best development in the series, going from being a spoiled city boy to being an amazing leader who thinks about his comrades, ahhhhh so frustrating!!
ps. oh no oh no, not that ova! i really erased it from my memory, it never existed in my universe or if it did exist it is something epic and not something that tries to humiliate his character! the only thing i can rescue is that moment of redemption that he has with his mother, but the rest… the room is silent and crickets sound in the distance xD
ps 2. how is his popularity in japan? because i came to think ok they give him that shitty treatment because maybe only two people love him, but i remember reading somewhere that he was in the top 7 of popularity *insert oprah meme saying so what is the truth*
ps 3. oh, with not expecting anything involving his animation, we are in the same boat. i no longer expect or have expectations that they will animate his epic post time skip scenes because i already have enough disappointments with my life xD i don’t even expect that pannel from chapter 127 anymore. i like that daydream pannel not only because i am a very hardcore jeankasa stan/shipper but because (as with the death of marco made him give up his dream of the military police and join the sc) that he gave up that life/fantasy with mikasa and their baby also shows his growth as a character but we are talking about jean and how they treat him so yup i will not expect anything from mappa
OMG Myri, you just get me! You so totally get me, I love you so much! THANK YOU! I think you expressed my frustrations far better than I have. You’re exactly right, that Jean x Eren x Reiner flashback scene is important because afterwards we will see all three of them having greatly changed. We will see a Reiner who has given up on life and no longer wants to act as big brother, an Eren who no longer fights with Jean because he has the entire world to fight against, and a Jean who, like you say, has become a responsible, caring leader ready to give up on his dreams. To see the contrast between the past and the present is important in all three boys’ character development, and MAPPA failed when they didn’t recognise this and just binned the entire flashback instead 🙁 I was so angry and disappointed I needed an entire day to recover xD
I’m still very disappointed today (Wednesday here in Japan), but I really don’t have a choice, do I? Either I just stop watching the anime, or lower my expectations until they hit zero, then lower them some more until I reach about negative ten or something. Since I can’t go on living without watching anime (remember Kenny’s words about us humans needing to be addicted to something? Ahaha!), I’ll have to choose the latter xD
Re: Jean’s OVA. IKR! I’ve always felt that was meant to make fun of him, and while we got a few cheap laughs, it ignored the depth of Jean’s character and made him more of a funny sidekick than a serious contender. I liked that Sasha got to eat meat, though, and that Jean and mum get to reconcile in the end. But still, I think he deserves a better OVA. Maybe I take his character too seriously, I don’t know. As far as OVA goes, for me the best one is Levi’s: it enhanced his legend while at the same time showed us a vulnerable, lovable side. Oh, BTW, I remember coming across an old Isayama interview where he says he thought Jean saying, “Knock, you old hag!” to his mum was really hilarious. I’m all for lighthearted moments, but I wish they balanced it with more contemplative, thoughtful scenes. I’ve thought the OVA could have been saved by adding a final panel in the end of Jean visiting his mum with his friends. It’s what inspired me to write the fanfic With Friends Like These. So maybe that disrespectful OVA was really all for the good, in that I disliked it so much I wrote an entire story of Jean and friends treating Mum well xD
Re: Jean’s popularity in Japan. Hmm, I’m not sure if I can give a concrete answer. Some of the polls where his popularity has been relatively high were done by Kodansha, the manga’s publisher. They asked their readers to name their favourite characters in the Kodansha universe, and Jean sometimes ranked in the Top Ten. But they’re polling manga readers, and we both know manga lovers tend to like Jean more than anime-only viewers. I feel Japan has the largest population of manga readers (as far as percentage of the population goes), so he does have fans here. But it’s nothing compared to Eren or Levi, and I’m sure the reason for this is WIT Studio having done a terrible job in animating his character. Like a lot of countries, manga here becomes a lot more successful after a good anime adaptation. So while WIT’s anime did exponentially increase Eren & Levi fans, I’m thinking it might have had a neutral or even negative impact on Jean’s. In Japan, the three characters who are constantly on products and marketing campaigns are always the same: Eren, Levi, Mikasa. I think this says a lot about where Jean stands in the actual fan rankings.
OMG Jean’s fantasy in Chapter 127! IKR! If they remove that panel I will die!!! I just will!!! And I’ll blame MAPPA in my suicide note! (I’m kidding about the suicide, but I’ll surely blame MAPPA for my upcoming extreme clinical depression xD).
really that annie scene with kenny had been erased from my mind so when i saw that part i was like wowowow when? XD i wish we had more content from kenny, i was going to say he’s my favorite ackerman but i really have a fascination for the clan in general that i really can’t get enough of them, but yup i would have liked to know more about him, his private life, feelings, etc.
Absolutely agree with you here! I’d have loved to have a Kenny OVA, a good one, not a silly one. Like Levi’s OVA, you know, when he was young and stuff. Do you remember when I made the Awakened Ackermanns infertile in the Jean Chronicles? It was actually inspired by this Annie vs Kenny chapter of the manga where he says he is 100% he doesn’t have any spawn. A possible reason for this is that he could be gay, but I thought it would be interesting if it had something to do with the Clan Ackermann curse.
I know, Myri, I love Kenny, too, and love how his story unfolded. I think he’s the only dead semi-major/big minor character who got redemption in the end: he didn’t get to become a titan and know what it feels like to have absolute power like his precious friend Ueli Reiss, but he was able to tell Levi he didn’t leave because he disliked him, but simply because he felt unfit to be a father. I think it meant a lot for Levi to hear this truth. That Kenny gave Levi the serum meant he trusted him, and also perhaps as an apology for having abandoned him. Kenny’s last words before he died is still amongst my favourite in the manga: that we humans have to be addicted to something in order to carry on, that without being drunk on something we will not be able to keep on living since life is too harsh and meaningless. This was absolutely superb writing from Isayama. I will always have this Kenny vs Levi convo as one of my Top Ten favourite scenes in AoT.
hahahaha when he said that it was impossible for her to be his daughter omg xD that man is gay or knows contraception very well hahaha (but your version of the curse seems cooler to me because i’m addicted to drama lol)
when kenny talked about levi as his pride i really cried like rivers of tears falling down my cheeks, when they have that little conversation before he died is one of my favorite moments
Thank you so much, I’m glad you prefer my theory for Kenny’s lack of progeny! I love the idea of Clan Ackermann being full of lore, with lots of deep, dark family secrets and undiscovered mysteries xD
Having said that, I do adore the idea of Kenny and Ueli Reiss being lovers, though in canon Kenny says they’re just friends. But still, I love the very rare fanfics where they are a couple 😀
Ah, me, too, Kenny’s dying scene always makes me cry whenever I see it. I’m so thankful to Isayama that he didn’t let him die alone, and that Levi was finally able to learn about his blood relation to him.
PS. Now that you’re on your summer break, I would LOVE to hear your opinions about Chapter 135. What do you think will happen to Pieck?
i can’t believe that at some point in my life reiner was so indifferent to me, right now he is one of my favorite characters and i really enjoyed seeing his story animated. he is really one of the best characters in the whole series and it makes me sad to know that he is so fed up with his life and that he went through so many bad and sad things 🙁 i really felt sad in the scene where he met his father, poor boy! and have a mother who raised him hating himself and his people didn’t really help at all, i hope that in this arc (in the manga) he can have his redemption and finally find peace. (even if it involves his death, i just want him to be at peace with himself)
ps. that scene of annie getting his shit out of him omggg and poor baby berth asking them in whispers to stop 🙁 really his character never impacted me and within the RBA trio he is the one that mattered the least at the time xD but i can’t handle the suffering of children
OMG Myri! You’re back!!! I’m crying, I really am, as in literally, with tears flowing down my face! My colleague is rolling her eyes thinking I’m being my overly dramatic self weeping over some manga shit, but I’m just so incredibly happy to have you back here<3 I missed you so, so much, you have no idea! It's so lonely here on this blog without you. THANK YOU so much for coming back!
How did your exams go? When will you get the results?
Re: Reiner, I've loved Reiner since the early days, especially when he had this cute crush on Krista. When his betrayal was revealed I got even more excited for him because it meant seeing another side of Mr Responsible. I've truly enjoyed the way his character has been developed, especially because Isayama had the courage not to give him a perfect mum. Many shonen narratives have a boy with a perfect mum (Eren is an example), and mothers are often portrayed as saintly in manga/anime, but the fact that Reiner (as well as Historia) have terrible mothers make them more real and worthy of sympathy. I'm tired of angel mothers or blameless/virtuous types of motherhood tropes, because the reality is there are plenty of horrific mothers out there. One of my favourite quotes from the Japanese film 万引き家族 Shoplifters is when the female protagonist says, “Just because a woman gives birth doesn’t turn her into a mother.” This really resonated with me, because I personally know of women who don’t deserve to have children since they treat them like pets/toys/punching bags/unpaid servants/programmable robots and so on. The fact that Isayama has portrayed all kinds of mothers in his manga is something that makes me like him as a storyteller even more. I love complex characters and I’m hoping Karina Braun (who lately became aware of the error of her ways) will get the chance to apologise to her son for brainwashing him. I totally agree with you, none of the Nine Titans should die until they get full redemption.
Ah, baby Bert! IKR! He was just crying quietly and whispering and looking on as Annie and Reiner try to kill each other. Poor Bert. I wish Isayama gave us his backstory. Both Annie and Reiner get backstories, but for some reason Bert’s has been kept from us. It’s sad because when he was devoured by Armin, I didn’t hear much crying from the fandom, and I think the reason for that is his lack of a backstory.
hana, please don’t cry!! i also missed you as you have no idea, but i finally came back 😀
today i received the grade for //that// exam that i told you about in the email and i had a grade of 7 out of 10, so i’m really satisfied with my work, especially because that subject was a headache. and finally i left Córdoba and returned to my hometown after almost a year so i can finally say that i’m on summer vacation (at least until february bc the exams start again) but until then i will be free and you will have me commenting in every update you do xD
yeah, it’s a great cliché that in anime the main character has a good mother because that really wouldn’t happen in real life. i could really empathize with reiner (and hisu) because at a certain point in my life my mother told me bad things about my father and his family so yeah i like that yams give that visibility because motherhood is not a mattress of roses and not all women were born to be mothers (same with men)
“just because a woman gives birth doesn’t turn her into a mother.” i agree 100% with that phrase, as i told you, my mother had those moments of madness (now she is fine), but that left me a lot of traumas. i really envied my friends who had those normal mothers who cared about they. also, at that time my older sister was to me more as a mother figure more than my own mother oooh better stop talking because i will become an emo disaster not only with mommy issues but also with daddy issues xD
about berth, the biggest reason for the lack of empathy i feel towards him is because of the lack of a backstory from him… i would have liked at least to know about his parents, his brothers or sisters (if he had any) or just his dreams. his character was wasted because when he started to have a personality armin ate him lol
Oh Myri! So many things to say. First of all, congrats on passing your exam! That’s a wonderful grade! Now I’m actually glad you left this blog for a while in order to study, because if you didn’t and got a bad grade then I will blame myself xD
Good thing you’re finally on summer vacation! I keep on forgetting you’re in the Southern hemisphere and I was gonna ask if you’re having snow etc xD
OMG any talk of toxic parents makes me want to cry. I feel you, Myri. Thank you for sharing. I totally know all about being an emo disaster. I’m so sorry to hear about what your mum did to you. I’m glad you’ve reached a kind of truce these days.
I also have massive problems with my parents (they were both physically and verbally abusive) so when I see fictional characters portrayed with realistic dysfunctional families I really empathise with them because I know what it’s like to be treated like a piece of shit. [Portion removed because TMI! 26 Dec 2020] This kind of upbringing made me truly hate myself for as long as I could remember, and even as an adult I suffer from debilitating self-esteem issues and anxiety+depression. The happiest moment of my life was when I was able to leave home for good and start living on my own when I went to university.
I’m so glad to hear about your older sister. I wish I had a Frieda in my life! 😀 [Portion removed because TMI! 26 Dec 2020]
Anyway, I really shouldn’t talk about any of this because it’s too depressing xD But I’m trying to find catharsis through writing. I want to give children happy endings. So in the Jean Chronicles I gave Philip a happy ending, and hope to give other fictional kids happy endings as well 🙂
i’m sorry you went through those things, i’m really glad you got out of that hole. i just want you to know that you are a good person, so wonderful and warm! anything that happened with your parents does not define you as you really are, all those cruel things they told you are a big fat lie and i want you to know it! wish you the best of the world and the universe, i love you so much and i just want you to be happy, if you need to talk to someone do not hesitate to write me!
when i was a child (and even now) i used to stutter a lot due to my anxiety so that led to a lot of trauma because the other children were very cruel to me but the part that hurt the most was that my parents were ashamed of me and sometimes they said really cruel things to me so i really understand you
I’m so sorry to hear about what happened to you. I can totally, absolutely relate. I think some parents have certain expectations about what kind of children they’ll have, and when their spawn doesn’t fit the mold then they flip out.
For a child to have a parent ashamed of him/her/them is the worst feeling in the world. I learned a term for that: “toxic shame.” It’s the feeling of humiliation a child has when they’re unable to meet their parents’ expectations.
I once gave a friend of mine an analogy about my situation: “Think of a woman who wants to have a bunch of toy poodles she can tie on a leash and display to the public and brag about to anyone willing to listen. So far she’s spawned a bunch of such poodles, and she’s very proud of them, for they are indeed perfect in every way. Then one day she spawns another puppy, but instead of the usual pretty, clever poodle this one turns out to be an ugly, three-legged pug that’s stupid AF. She can’t kill this puppy, but makes sure to give it a very difficult life, out of disappointment and spite.” Ahaha! To this day I still think it’s a great analogy xD
Childhood trauma will take years and years to process so I’ve a very long road ahead of me, but so far I’ve read some outstanding books that helped me a whole bunch. Two of them in particular I credit for saving my life. Their authors (both professional therapists/psychologists) also had abusive parents, so they could genuinely relate to people like us. I’m so glad they took the time to write what they did. Someday I hope I can write something that will help someone out there, somewhere 🙂
Love you muchly, too, Myri! Thank you once again! Everything you write means so much to me. Let’s keep on writing and helping each other come 2021 <3
PS. I moved your wonderful comment about Chapter 135 to the blog article reviewing said chapter. I’ll reply to it tomorrow! xoxo – hana