by
How to Dock a Boat
Present day Paradis, two and a half years after the war with Marley
“I’m gonna teach you a simple method for bringing your boat alongside a dock or bulkhead,” Jean told Philip. “Doesn’t matter whether you’re docking a big or small boat: the principles are the same.”
Philip gripped the boat wheel, eyes fixed on the dock. Jean stood next to him, his hand over his son’s, guiding him.
“Your judgement comes in when you need to line up your approach. Use the wind and current as a guide. How strong they are will affect your boat’s momentum,” he continued. “What do you think of the wind, Philip?”
“I think we’ve got a fairly stiff wind behind us today? So it’s gonna help us along?” answered the boy, with uncertainty.
“That’s right. Now, come in slow. Bump the engine in and out of gear to keep your headway limited, like so.”
They were on the Wings of Marco, one of the Kirschteins’ small boats. After enjoying a sailing excursion on calm waters they were ready to call it in. Jean spent the day teaching his son the basics of handling a boat. It was supposed to be his off day with Mikasa, with the three of them doing some family sailing, but something urgent came up at work with the Royal Marines and Mikasa had to go to their headquarters. So it became a father and son outing.
“Never approach a dock faster than you’re willing to hit it,” Jean told the boy. “Keep your boat pointed in the right direction, while monitoring your speed. Where do you aim for, son?”
“I think I should be aiming for…about the center from where I want to tie alongside the dock?” was the child’s answer, again in the form of a question.
“Yes, that’s right. Good. Make sure you come in for a soft landing. Now that you’re about a boat-length away, swing the wheel hard to start with, like this,” Jean said, demonstrating. “This is for port side ties. Do you remember which side is which?”
“Port side is left and starboard side is right.” This time Philip didn’t end his sentence with a question.
“Good! You remember well.”
The boy grinned up at him. “Your tip helped: that ‘port’ and ‘left’ have four letters.”
“Now that you’re about parallel with the dock, roll the wheel all the way back to port, like this,” Jean puts his hands over the boy’s to show him how.
“That’s the finishing flourish. All that’s left is securing your boat. I’ll reach out here and grab a piling. Hand me over a line. Now I’m all set to tie her up,” said Jean.
“Please, let me do it, dad!”
“You can hop on shore and tie one on, but watch your step.” Jean watched as his son sprang sure-footedly onto the dock. The boy was all energy and good spirits.
What a difference two years make! When he first met him he was a puny bag of bones, with bruises and scars all over his body. Now that he was eight years of age, the bruises had disappeared, the scars mostly faded. He’d put on a lot more weight and had grown significantly taller. Six years of malnutrition made him smaller than average, so at eight he was still smaller than the royal twins, who were a year younger. But he was catching up fast. He and Mikasa put their heads together and thought of the ways they could help him grow.
“I want to grow up and be just like dad!” he’d declared to Mikasa on his seventh birthday.
When she told him he should make a wish when he blew out the candles on his cake, but not tell anyone what he wished for, he kept his mouth shut for the duration of the party. Still he ended up telling her anyway as he helped wash the dishes after the guests had left. He told his mum, gushingly, unabashedly, how he wished to become as tall as Jean, as big as him, as clever as him, become an admiral like him.
—— AD - CONTINUE READING BELOW ——
Jean chuckled, looking pleased when Mikasa relayed the conversation to him that night. “He’s already pretty clever. The admiral part is the easiest, I reckon, as the job doesn’t care what size a person is. As for the others, well, we’ll just have to feed him a lot now, don’t we?”
But Mikasa, being Mikasa, took the issue of health and nutrition very seriously. She started researching, planning nutritious, balanced meals for the child. She squeezed Hange’s brain of their knowledge of vitamins and minerals and metabolism, asked every parent around her with a healthy preteen kid what they’d been fed when they were Philip’s age. She visited her mother-in-law at Trost with Philip in tow, and demanded that she write down Jean’s daily meal plan when he was a kid. The older Mrs Kirschtein made Mikasa master the art of the eggs omelette as she believed it had been the key to Jean’s growth.
It was funny, really, the two women talking about chicken eggs as the magic formula, because on the mantel there was a family portrait with Jean’s long dead father. Although Jean inherited his mother’s coloring, it was obvious from the picture where Jean got his tall and majestic physique from.
What had Philip’s biological father been like? His biological mother? Neither of them knew. But no matter. Lots of eggs, and plenty of grains and vegetables and meat and milk, along with daily play and exercise should do just fine, they jointly concluded.
There was a period in Jean and Mikasa’s life as a couple when their conversations focused mainly on their jobs, on their work in the military. But now that they were parents, a large chunk of their discussions centered on their child.
How to make a growing boy grow as he should? How to make up for years of neglect and abuse? How to help a battered, beaten child learn to trust grownups, and develop healthy self-esteem?
For it wasn’t only malnutrition or physical security they had to deal with. Given his tough background Philip, although he’d only been six, had a hard edge to him. He trusted no one, was suspicious of everyone. The early years are crucial to a child’s development and Philip’s had been severely traumatic to say the least. He had all kinds of issues: trust, anger, attachment, fear of abandonment, fear of intimacy. During their first weeks together, he recoiled whenever they reached out to hug him.
It took a while before he learned to fully trust them, when he could eat at the table without his eyes habitually darting left and right, top and bottom, being on guard, wary of someone taking his food away from him.
But little by little, the boy opened up to them. Now he ran to hug them, kissed them on the cheek, and held their hand willingly, even when other boys his age no longer wanted their parents to hold theirs.
Indeed, what a difference two years make in a warm, caring environment with two parents that loved each other and were more than happy to welcome a child into their home. Jean and Mikasa knew it would take years to undo the damage that had been done, but they were willing to learn how to help.
Years later, when Philip came of age, he told Jean how grateful he was to them, how he owed them everything.
But Jean shook his head. “No, son, we’re the ones who should be grateful. Whatever good thing it was we’ve given you, you’ve given it back to us in spades.”
It was true. Philip had been too young to be aware of it, but he came into their lives when they needed him the most.
Jean watched helplessly as Mikasa struggled to deal with the cruel fallout of the war with Marley. For the killing she had to do she suffered greatly. How she suffered! Jean had killed many, too, and never felt good about it. But he knew it was not the same. Thanks to long-range guns on battleships, the war he fought at sea had been starkly different from the mountain guerilla warfare that Mikasa had to engage in at close quarters.
It was she who had to do the impossible, the one who felt with the palm of her hand the warm blood pulsing through the child soldiers’ veins, the one who felt on her chest the beating of their small hearts milliseconds before she slit their throats, more than three dozen of them.
One of Jean’s talents, one that made him a great leader of men, was his ability to put himself in the other person’s shoes. It was this ability that enabled him to be better than anyone at chess, for it allowed him to read his opponents, to anticipate their next moves. It was this same ability that helped him formulate a war strategy for beating back the enemy. He read their moves in advance, predicted the possible scenarios of what happens then, and prepared for them.
This ability to read and understand the enemy allowed him to take a major gamble. It was a gamble he could get away with only because his men, the entire Paradian Royal Navy, stood by him. And the reason for their unwavering loyalty was the knowledge that their admiral was a man who could put himself in other people’s shoes, and in doing so acknowledged each and everyone of them, not as pawns to be sacrificed but as human beings.
They knew he recognized their full humanity.
—— AD - CONTINUE READING BELOW ——
The seamen and sailors, from the rank-and-file to the vice admirals that commanded battle groups, knew that Jean saw each of them as individuals with loved ones, families, relationships, eccentricities and passions, hopes and dreams. Because of this, each one of them in turn did what they could to support Jean. What other ruthless, cold-blooded leader deemed as a weakness Jean turned into a strength. The result was incredible: never in their planet’s history have such a small navy fought so hard, with that much heart.
Thus, when Mikasa fell into the deep, deep abyss of post-traumatic stress disorder, Jean put himself in her shoes. Clinically depressed, she withdrew from sex, so he took it off the table. She only wanted to be held, so he wrapped his arms around her without poking his erection into her thigh. She cried each night without wanting to be asked why, so he kept quiet, only hugging her and stroking her hair. It was a massive change from the pre-war days when she demanded all the shagging he could give they were constantly on a sex-induced euphoria, a natural high.
But Jean found ways to cope. There was plenty of work to do post-war, given the massive rebuilding and reconstruction efforts needed on all fronts. Because the hours outside of work he and his wife previously used to fuck each other’s brains out were now empty, he filled them with bouts of inspired writing. The months after the war were his most productive in terms of written output.
He wrote the paper Treatise on Naval Tactics, two books for the naval academy titled Some Principles of Maritime Strategy with Focus on Island Defense and The Influence of Sea Power Upon History, and a work of moral philosophy titled Maritime Supremacy and the Opening of the Eldian Mind. He also co-authored with Hange A Treatise Explanatory of a New System of Naval, Military and Political Radio Communication of General Application, co-authored with Armin A General Treatise of Naval Trade and Commerce, and co-authored with two of his vice-admirals A Treatise of the Principles and Practice of Naval Courts-Martial, and Survey of the Geostrategic Features of the Oceans Surrounding Paradis Island and Its Effects on Naval Strategy, among other writings.
He didn’t want to be a slave to his carnal desires, nor did he wish to cheat on his wife, so he dealt with his horniness by himself, in a quick and pragmatic fashion. Needless to say, Jean was no stranger to self-pleasure; he simply reverted back to the days of his adolescence when every boy seemed to masturbate under the covers in the dark.
But he missed his wife of old. Their lack of sexual intimacy took its toll. Taming the wild horses of his high sex drive was no longer so easy, once you’ve experienced the joy of galloping at full speed. Outwardly, he made a good show of coping. He threw himself into his work. Mikasa, too, did the same. They worked and worked and worked some more, trying to deal with their internal struggles by burying themselves in the daily grind.
Yet, he was falling into a melancholic despair. It was when he thought he’d go crazy because of the way the war, which they technically–not to mention ironically–won, had ruined their lives that Philip appeared out of the blue.
Such a small boy for his age, greedily wolfing down the bleah-tasting ration Feldman gave him as if it was the last—and most delicious—meal of his life. He ate like a wild animal, was constantly tense and on the lookout for grownups whom he automatically assumed would either beat up or arrest him.
It was this wild child who revived Jean’s love for chess. Philip turned out to be incredibly bright, a quick study. He took to chess like a fish took to water. It was the boy’s enthusiasm for the game that brought Jean out of the doldrums. During sea duty, after a full day’s work, he’d usually retire to his cabin and spend the night writing until his brain had nothing more to give. He’d go to bed feeling depressed.
But now that this chess-crazed boy was here before him, everything changed. The child’s passion for the game, his genuine eagerness to learn, revitalized something in him. Why did teaching a child the minute differences amongst the ten most common chess openings, the initial moves of a chess game, seem to lift the dark rain clouds inside his mind? He didn’t know why, but it did. And it helped Jean as much as it taught Philip.
Perhaps the most important change Philip brought into the Kirschtein household was the change in Mikasa.
It was six months after the war when she first met the child. She had been recovering from her trauma slowly. But having Philip around seemed to accelerate her healing. Mikasa threw herself into her new motherhood role, fussing over the small boy the way she used to fuss over Eren Jaeger. She was overprotective like a mama bear, and the child, having been neglected and abused his entire life, joyfully lapped up the generous attention. He flourished and practically glowed underneath the umbrella of affection and loving kindness his new parents gave him.
It was the night after they decided to formally adopt him that something magical happened.
Jean wondered why it was taking Mikasa such a long time to come to bed. Each night she read Philip a bedtime story before saying goodnight, the way her parents did for her when she was a child. But it never took this long. Did Philip ask for extra stories? Jean poked his head through the boy’s door, expecting to see Mikasa still reading. But what he saw made his heart leap for joy.
Mikasa had laid her head on Philip’s bedside. She was asleep, one arm bent under her head for a pillow. The child, too, was sleeping, his small body curled up forming a C-shape around Mikasa’s head. From the rhythm of their breathing and the rise and fall of their chests it was obvious they were both sound asleep.
It was the sweetest sight Jean had ever seen in his life.
For seven months Mikasa couldn’t sleep a wink. She cried at bedtime, then tried to close her eyes, tossing and turning, only to be plagued by nightmares, after which she woke up in a mood and drifted in and out of a shallow sleep for the rest of the night. Sometimes the panic attacks were so bad she stayed up all night in her study trying to get some work done in order to calm herself.
During the day she barrelled through using her extreme Ackermann strength. All those months of sleeplessness would have completely felled an ordinary person. But Mikasa was far from ordinary. And so she managed to survive, but on a thread.
But tonight. Oh, what a wonderful sight! Jean debated with himself whether to move her or not. He decided that position would give her a neck and shoulder cramp in the morning. So he tucked the covers around Philip before lifting his wife and carrying her to their bedroom.
—— AD - CONTINUE READING BELOW ——
He laid her down, changed her to her pyjamas, pulled the covers over her. Through it all Mikasa slept like a baby, only turning once and murmuring something about titans. Jean wanted to watch over her the entire night, drinking in the view of her peaceful, beautiful sleeping face. Oh how long, how very long it has been since he’d seen her like this, her first deep sleep in ages! But soon sleep overtook him.
Waking up the next day to the smell of fresh pancakes, he stepped into the kitchen to find his wife and child grinning up at him with a cheery “Good morning!” Mikasa was by the stove frying the pancakes while Philip balanced on a stool next to her, mixing the batter. He came over and put his arms around them, kissing Mikasa on the cheek and ruffling Philip’s hair.
“Sleep well?” he asked her.
“Like a log!” she replied, happily. Her eyes twinkled and her face looked rested, something he hadn’t seen since the war.
That wasn’t the only miracle. Another one happened two weeks later, after they finalised the adoption papers and Philip was officially a Kirschtein.
They held a party at their house, with Jean’s mother, the royal twins, Jürgen, Queen Historia, Levi, Hange, Connie, Hitch and a few other friends and colleagues from the military in attendance. Philip was so happy he grinned and laughed the entire time.
The joy they felt that day was enormous, and also deeply healing. That night, for the first time in nearly eight months, Mikasa reached out to Jean in bed.
“Jean, my darling, I want you,” she said plaintively.
“Tell me what you want and it’s yours,” he replied, fearful he was misinterpreting.
But Mikasa caressed his cheek with her fingers and said, “Make love to me, please, the way you did for the first time on that boat…the most beautiful night of my life.” She wanted a replay of one of her most treasured memories: that night on the sailboat when Jean proposed and they had sexual intercourse for the very first time.
They made love slowly, tenderly, and Jean was so sweet and gentle it brought tears to Mikasa’s eyes. Her infertility brought her unspeakable grief made far worse by the war destroying her on the inside, and her body reacted by closing in on itself. She genuinely feared this day would never come. But it did. There were tears in her eyes because she could see how much effort Jean was putting to rein in his urges. After all those months of abstaining, he wanted to rut into her, wanted to take her roughly and mindlessly. Yet he controlled himself, with an incredible self-control that only a man still very much in love with the woman in his arms could muster. Mikasa wept in gratitude as he gently, oh so gently, brought her to completion.
Afterwards, things steadily got back to normal. They had sex a few times a week, and quickly worked it back up to the daily couplings they used to enjoy. The main difference was nowadays, they learned to be noiseless in bed, given that they now had a child sleeping across the hall.
But they learned to work around that, too, finding ways to make it all about the quiet but mind-blowing intensity and not just the frequency. Now that they no longer had the freedom to have scream-your-head-off wild sex all over the house whenever they wanted, they learned to treasure the few nights when, with Philip at the royal palace for a sleepover with the twins, they were able to dress up or down and be that young, sex-crazed couple once again. It was like a treat, something that tasted all the better because it wasn’t the daily fare.
With a young son to take care of, Mikasa was no longer in desperate baby-making mode. She soon learned to experiment with and enjoy all sorts of sex plays and games, which greatly spiced up their love-making.
Even kissing became more pleasurable. She learned to see it not as the “I’m kissing you in hopes that you’ll give me your sperm soon” foreplay act, but simply as a means to communicate love.
With their sex life revived, work became less of a cop-out and took on a deeper meaning. Their mission now was to prepare for the next war by training and educating the next generation. Along with their parenting, they were giving it all they had. And they couldn’t be happier.
In the end, all the trials and tribulations they went through together brought them closer as a couple, made their bond stronger and more resilient.
All because of a little stowaway, a magic child that appeared over the southern seas.
“Hey, dad! Look at the cleat hitch I made! Did I get it right?” a boyish voice jolted Jean out of his reverie. Philip was pointing to the knot he made to tie the boat to the dock.
—— AD - CONTINUE READING BELOW ——
Jean glanced at it, tugged at the line. “Looks like a good, clean knot. Well done,” he said, smiling. The boy beamed.
They had caught some herring for supper and Philip promptly started gutting them the way Jean had taught him.
“How will we cook them tonight, Dad?”
“How would you like them done?” Jean asked.
Philip paused for a while. What a difficult decision he was being asked to make! Whole herrings can be fried or grilled, poached or pickled, soused or marinated, salted and smoked, or made into rollmops, filleted herrings rolled around pickled cucumber. All the yummy choices he had!
In the end, he asked for baked fish, so in their kitchen back home they roll the herrings in a dish and add vinegar, raw onions, spice berries, salt and pepper. They bake the dish in the oven until the tops of the fish become crispy.
When Mikasa arrived home that night, the potted herring was all set on the table, garnished with herbs, with butter on the side, accompanied by crusty brown bread to mop up the juices. There was also a dish of grilled vegetables, the sliced carrots in the shape of flowers, courtesy of the child in the house.
Philip tripped down the hallway to meet her at the door, as was his custom with either parent. He was still wearing the little green apron with a golden crown illustration on it that Queen Historia had gifted him.
“Mum, Mum! I caught a bunch of herring today. One was rather big!” he said, hugging her while talking about his day, showing with his hands just how large his biggest catch was.
“Is that so? Good for you!” Mikasa praised him.
The child continued, “Dad taught me the secret of using whitebait and bluebait without them falling off the hooks. Do you know the secret, Mum?”
“I’m afraid not…”
“Make sure they are fresh, and add a handful of dry pollard. We dipped them in fish oil for extra smell! We used berley, too, but didn’t overdo it…” the young boy prattled on.
Mikasa arrived at the kitchen and amidst Philip’s enthusiastic chatter, she caught the savory aroma of freshly baked fish, met Jean’s twinkling eye, saw the table all nicely set for a family dinner. They smile at each other, hearts filled with love and beating with contentment, before gazing fondly at their son as he recounts with delight his amazing time on the boat at sea.
Oh, happy, happy days!
That’s it for this story. Thank you so much for reading! Please please please take a moment to say hi in the comment section below. It’s so lonely and discouraging to find out I haven’t got any readers. Your comments are the only way I know my stories are getting read. Even just one sentence from you will give me the encouragement I need to keep on writing. Feel free to use a pseudonym and dummy email address. Please say something—anything at all—just to let me know you’ve finished reading. Comments do mean the world to me—THANK YOU. xoxo, hana
Reference
How to dock a boat instructions are from Win, Lose or Fail: Season 1 (2017. History Channel).
Next – Part VI: The Protegee
Back – Chapter 19: Joy of Baking
See the List of All Fanfic Stories
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I absolutely loved this story, It would be fantastic if you continue it. I love writing and reading fanfiction. This is one of, if not, the best fanfic I have ever read. Wishing you a very happy 2022!
P.S Jeankasa should have been canon
OMG UBomb, I did it again, oh dear me! Here’s a big ‘Hi!’ and an even bigger ‘Sorry for the late approval/response!’ 🙁
After the AoT manga ended the readership and comments on this blog have dried up to the point that I keep on forgetting to check my notifications, since I only get one comment every six months or something xD
I really do apologise. Lovely comments from my precious readers are the most important thing on this blog for me, and the only reason I keep my AoT fanfic in a published state despite no longer being a fan of the manga.
Ah, you’re a fanfic writer, too, that’s wonderful. Thank you so much for taking the time to comment! You flatter me with your generous words! It’s always great to hear from fellow writers; I’m guilty of writing fanfic but never having the time to read what others write. That you took the time to encourage me is something I’m really appreciative of.
Me, too, I absolutely think a canon jeankasa would have been a better ending for AoT. I was incredibly disappointed that Isayama took the time to develop aruani’s relationship in canon while completely ignoring jeankasa and only suggesting a jeankasa ending via ‘extra’ panels added in the paperback final volume 🙁 It makes Jean utterly insignificant, the consolation prize for the ‘heroine’ after her ‘true love’ dies. How pathetic and cringe-worthy. Despite my no longer being a fan of the manga, Jean is still my favourite character in that universe, and would have adored even just a teeny-tiny bit of canon tenderness toward him from Mikasa (within the proper chapters and not the ‘extra’ add-on panels, mind you! Wait, even the ‘extra’ panels don’t show any love or tenderness whatsoever, just the back of some man’s head! xD)
Anyway, back to my real struggle – writing a continuation of my fanfic novela. I had so many grand plans for this version of jeankasa: them having a child together, raising a happy family, going to war, watching their children grow and become even bigger heroes than their forebears, and so on and so forth, like GoT but set in the early 20th century. Ahaha! All my plans laid waste by that total disaster of a canon ending! xD
You’d think I’d be typing my fingers to the bone trying my darn best to ‘fix’ the canon ending via my fanfic but alas! I’m finding that it’s almost impossible to write without being a fan of the source material, and boy oh boy I’m so NOT a fan anymore. *Sigh*
I was really hoping nearly a year of doing my best to ignore the AoT manga/anime will lead me to getting over my despair over the final two chapters and just start writing again. Sadly, I’m still too disappointed, still too angry, still feeling Isayama no longer deserves my love and support and that I will never, ever read another manga from him again, much less fangirl his past work(s).
So the struggle continues. Maybe one fine sunny day I’ll say, “Oh, I’ll continue to write fanfic for the sake of writing/practicing,” and just get on with my Jean Chronicles. But I don’t know when that day will be. What I do know is that your words are a big source of encouragement. Thank you once again, and a very happy 2022 to you, too!
I’ve been following your fic for a while and absolutely adore the way you build and develop the story. I know that you’re currently taking a break , it would be fantastic if you can continue writing.
Miss you alot.
Hi Ann! Happy New Year! Thank you ever so much for taking the time to comment. I’m very sorry for the late response – I’ve been on my winter vacation and hadn’t had the chance to visit my blog till today. I really wish I’d get over being so utterly disappointed at the AoT canon ending that I’d start writing again – but I’m finding it’s nearly impossible to write ‘fanfic’ when I’m no longer a big fan of the manga. Those final two chapters absolutely ruined everything for me! Each time I see AoT events and merch (there are bazillions here in Japan) I can’t help but cringe in disgust 🙁 I still love Jean, though, even if I feel he’s been ruined by Isayama, like all the other characters. Perhaps someday I’ll finish this jeankasa story, but heaven knows when that’s going to be 🙁 Your kind and encouraging comment really helps in this regard, however! I need all the encouragement I can get. Thank you so much, it truly does mean a lot to me! Here’s wishing you a wonderful 2022!
Accidentally left a comment, don’t know how to delete this. Sorry.
I just loved this story, it was amazing the way you developed the jeankasa for sure the best fic of them I’ve ever read. if you have a continuation, know that I will be looking forward to it.
Thank you so, so much! Your comment means a lot to me! Not many readers bother to comment so I really, truly appreciate the effort as well as kind words. Since the manga ended I’ve lost interest in AoT – the final two chapters were so *awful* they ruined the entire story for me. I still can’t find the strength to even think about the AoT universe without feeling *major cringe*. But I do hope to continue my fanfic series one of these days. I know I owe my readers who’ve been so encouraging to me. I guess it’s the only real way to get closure, too, emotionally-speaking. I really am sorry it’s taking me forever 🙁 Many months have passed since we got that horrible finale but I still haven’t written a word of AoT fanfic because I guess I’m still somehow very upset about what happened in canon.
Right now I’m into many other manga/anime and busy writing otaku shopping guides and stuff like that. Still, I know I need to get back to this fanfic someday. I am incredibly grateful for your taking the time to remind and encourage me! THANK YOU!!! xoxo – hana
Hey, espero hayas podido ver mi comentario anterior, amo tus historias jeankasa <3
¡Muchas gracias por comentar! I responded to your longer comment a while ago!
Hello, I just wanted to tell you that I am your biggest fan, sorry if I did not comment before but I did not know how to do it, now I do.
This is definitely the best jeankasa story, I loved it, the development of their relationship and how they have had ups and downs, I cried when I learned that mikasa could not have children, they wanted a big family. I really like how you write, I have reread this story about 3 times in the hope that you will continue with the protégé, since it would be beautiful to see how they both achieve their dream and have a biological child.
I hope you keep writing, you do very well and I enjoy your stories.??
Hi Claudia! OMG I’m sorry for responding so late! I never thought someone new would comment on my blog after my being super slow with replies lately xD
Thank you so much for the lovely comment, and for reading my fanfic several times. That’s the best compliment ever! I think a story is successful only if readers come back to it, so you telling me you did just that completely made my day! I’m feeling really grateful right now. I know it takes time and effort to leave a comment so gracias de todo corazón.
I feel I’ve moved on from AoT and so have a lot of people. That is, I’ve tried to move on but honestly, I really, truly feel guilty about telling my readers I’d continue with the story and not delivering on that promise. There are times when I’m going on with my regular day but something on the internet reminds me of the manga, and then I find myself feeling angry and disappointed all over again.
I think the only way for me to make a clean break from AoT is to finally finish my story. That way I’ll have some kind of resolution. I know I’ll spend the rest of my life being pissed at Isayama for ruining his masterpiece, but at least I’d be less mad at myself for never finishing the fanfic I started. Your comment is just the encouragement I need at this point in time. THANK YOU!!!
I can’t tell you exactly when ‘The Protegee’ will come out but I’ve written a few chapters already (last year! xD); all I need is to write a few more and I really should be done this time around! I’m hoping the anime finale coming out this winter will revive interest in jeankasa and bring in readers. I’ll do my best to finish writing in time with the end of the anime! As always, I’ll add links via IG and Twitter regarding updates.
Thank you so much once again, Claudia! Hope you have a great day, you deserve it!
xoxo – hana
yeh another day missing your blog TR
I’m so sorry, jkwegoo! I replied to your longer comment a while ago. Please see below!
Hi Hana, I’ve been following your blog since the beginning of the year but I just finished reading your Jeankasa fanfics until now. And I especially like this fic, the way you create this fanfic world, the character development and the growth of love between Jeankasa, their married life is beautiful. I love the way you describe the life they go through together, the beautiful and the ugly in it, they go through it all. I don’t know how to describe how much I love JK, Isayama’s JK and your JK. The characters all have their own special features ? I wonder if you’re still in the fandom and shipdom? If you don’t mind, can you tell me why you ship JK, how do you feel when the series ends and 8 extra pages?
Hi jkwegoo! I’m so, so sorry for the very belated response. I’ve decided to take a blog vacation because it’s been woefully quiet like a graveyard here since the manga ended. After the final chapter of the manga, there were a couple of comments on my erehisu fanfics, but that’s about it. Later on the readership dropped in such a drastic manner I simply lost interest in the AoT part of this blog. When the extra panels came out I hoped there might be new readers to my jeankasa fanfic but… nothing so far (except for you!). I got a couple of likes over at Archive of Our Own, but that’s about it. Comments are my lifeblood and since this blog hasn’t been getting any, I stopped checking/visiting/updating. I did attempt to write about JJK stuff, but when my friend who also likes JJK went on a long vacation, I just decided to stop blogging altogether. Without her I won’t get any comments, and it’s really lonely and discouraging to be writing while screaming into the void 🙁
With regard to your question, I’ve addressed my thoughts on jeankasa in a previous post. All of it was written long before the final chapter of the manga came out, and I actually forgot what I wrote xD I like jeankasa because they’re a good match in that their dreams are similar (have a peaceful home, build a family) and their personalities complement each other (his extroversion to her introversion, etc). For me, Jean is a better match for Mikasa than Eren, who lied to her and gaslighted her instead of being open and honest. Of course, I’m saying this also because I feel Eren is a better match for someone else (Historia, with whom he was able to be open and honest with).
Anyway, the simple truth is, Jean is my absolute favourite character in AoT, so whatever he wishes, I want them all to come true. Obviously he’d been in love with Mikasa for a long time, so I dreamt of a future where he is married to her, just as he fantasised about in canon. I love him so much that whoever he wants, he really ought to get. In my head, that is! He deserves the world and more! Had he (in canon) wanted Pieck or Reiner or Armin or Eren or Hange or Levi or anyone else, I probably would have shipped them 🙂
As for the extra panels, as someone who was extremely dissatisfied with and angry about the manga’s awful final two chapters, I felt they were an insult to Jean, in the sense of not having his relationship with Mikasa developed in canon but instead just be suggested in additional pages. It’s as if he’s just an afterthought, the consolation prize for Mikasa.
I really, truly hate the way the manga ended, extra panels or no, and even now I’m still mad at Isayama for ruining his masterpiece with such a cringe-worthy ending. After reading the final manga chapter I really did my best to forget about AoT for a while, lest I be screaming insults and curses at Isayama for disappointing me the way he did xD (Honestly, though, even at this point in time, I still want to raise my middle finger at him if I ever get the chance to see him xD)
Having said all that, I now want to ask you a question. Would you be interested in the next part of the Jean Chronicles? “The Stowaway” part you just read was meant to be followed by a part (“The Protege”) where jeankasa have a baby girl, a biological child. I’ve been planning the story for ages now but just hadn’t got around to completing it. For months after The Stowaway was published I got PMs from readers asking me when I’ll continue, and I kept on saying, “I’ll get around to it soon, promise” but never did. I can’t express enough how guilty I feel for never finishing what I started, and not keeping my word. It’s been months since the manga ended and I still feel guilty. But since I’ve lost most of my readers already, I want to know if you’d be willing to read, if I ever do get around to finishing it?
Once again, I really, truly am sorry for not responding to your comment sooner. Thank you so much for taking the time to share your thoughts and also ask me a question. Jeankasa forever!!!
I definately need more of this… It’s so good watching Mikasa falling for Jean and them starting a family… You’ve done an amazing job, this is probably the best fanfiction I have ever read
Hi Raffaella! Thank you so much, you’ve just made my day❤ I’m hoping this jeankasa story will be a source of comfort to SnK fans wanting a different ending from canon. Right now I’m taking a break from the manga to heal from the incredible heartbreak caused by Chapter 138, and so won’t be publishing any SnK-related stuff for the time being. But I’ve actually already written a bunch of chapters for Part VI: The Protegee, about Mikasa giving birth to her daughter with Jean. Sadly, I’ve had zero inspiration from canon and thanks to the latest developments have basically lost the will to live xD (Just being overly dramatic, of course!) Maybe if enough readers ask I might find the energy to continue 😉
Thank you, once again, for taking the time to comment. Your kind words are like a salve to my (manga) wounds.
Jeankasa forever!❤
better give us details of them plays and games otherwise we riot lol
Ahaha! I wish I had the imagination and discipline to come up with these plays and games XD All I can think of are BDSM and a bunch of fetishes, so terribly boring *sigh* XD You’ll have to help me out in this area. I like to think of myself as progressive and adventurous but the reality is that I’m such a vanilla person I really should be writing bodice-ripping historical novels instead of fairly modern WWI situations XD
wild horses this so good lol totally understand about using work as a crutch lots of adults do that myself included easier to deal with work issues than home issues
Thank you! I was inspired by the novel Forbidden Colours by Mishima Yukio, where he equated desire with wild horses. I loved the imagery. He’s so incredibly adept at the wielding of metaphors and similes. I’ve much to learn from him!
I know all about using work as a crutch! It’s the perfect avoidance excuse, especially when the personal problems one is dealing with seem to have no viable solutions.
omg the final chapter congrats on being constant and reliable for the past 20 days you really outdid yourself methinks its your best and strongest story so far love everything about it the characterizations plot all them rollercoaster of emotions you did an amazing job and i couldnt be more proud
Thank you so much, Krissy! If it weren’t for you I’d have given up midway. I kept on telling myself that I’ve written all this stuff and if I’m too lazy to publish them then it’d be a waste. That was the good angel speaking. But the bad angel on the opposite shoulder kept on saying, “Why bother? No one reads your shitty stuff!” But the good angel fights back and says, “Well, Krissy always does.” And so the bad angel was silenced and I managed to move my stuff from Google Docs to blog.
It’s ironic how I’m so easily discouraged by my lack of readers when I hardly ever promote my writings except for posting updates on Instagram and Twitter, where I don’t have any followers. Ahaha! It’s like wringing my own neck XD I do want to promote in the forums, but having experienced how utterly cruel and troll-y forums are I’m not sure if I have the strength to stomach the malice, spite and savagery that artists face when promoting their works. That’s my anxiety speaking! Ah, I can’t win now, can I? XD
I loved the boat name, Wings of Marco, how adorable! In fact, Jean and Marco are my favorite AoT ship. I really like canon Mikasa, but Jean deserves better. I’m only satisfied with both of them being together in your stories.
By the way, I loved all The Stowaway chapters. So beautifully written. Thank you very much for sharing with us. Can’t wait to read the next part!
Thank you so much for the kind words, and for noticing the boat’s name! The Kirschteins have two boats: the Wings of Marco, christened by Jean, and the Spirit of Sasha, christened by Mikasa. We’ll see more of these boats and what they are and where they come from in Part VI!
I’m totally with you about Jean deserving more than canon Mikasa. The Mikasa in canon can be really infuriating at times. I love the idea of her character; she has so much potential for growth and change but ten years on, nothing. It’s really disappointing for me, as someone who wants female protagonists who are not just physically strong but also emotionally independent and self-reliant. We are at the manga’s end game now and all I could hope for is that Isayam-sensei will give us some mind-blowing surprises. As things are, it seems it will just be Mikasa going huh huh huh from beginning to to end.
Do you remember when Chapter 127 first came out? Did you hear the collective groan of Jean stans such as myself when we saw our beloved boy still pining for Mikasa? We were all like, “Dammit, jeanboi, you’re still into her after all these years? She won’t even freaking look at you!” After that I published A Decade in the Making. In my fanfic stories Mikasa goes out of character, but then, why not? It was just too painful for me to see Jean’s love being unrequited in canon. I see myself as his fairy godmother, giving him everything he has ever dreamed of, even if it’s not something I would wish for him myself. I love him that much! XD
I truly understand where jeanmarco shippers come from. I love Marco; I see him as one of those angels who comes to Earth in human form, touching lives and changing destinies and helping others learn more about themselves, in the very limited amount of time such ephemeral gems are allowed to sparkle. He’s one of those special people you are only with for a short while but can never forget. I’ve encountered such an angel IRL, and like Marco they died at too young an age. But, like Jean, I’ll treasure their memory until the day I die.
That’s also one of the things I love about Jean’s character: he never stopped caring for Marco, years after he was gone. I find myself relating to Jean in many ways. He’s so fully human, flaws and all, and I love him for it. He’s like a beacon of hope in a manga populated by titans and titan shifters and supersoldiers.
I celebrated my completion of The Stowaway by downing an entire bottle of wine, so right now I’m battling with a terrible hangover XD But once the fog clears I hope to get on with Part VI. Stay tuned, and please disappear on me!
I would Philip gives them luck and Mikasa will be pregnant. But i love it!!
Hi! Before anything else I want to say a big THANK YOU for your support. Seeing you promote my stories via Instagram has been so encouraging. I’m truly grateful; readers like you give me the strength to keep at it, to keep writing stuff worthy of being shared.
I’m working on the story about *that* special baby, promise! You’ll have to wait for Part VI: The Protegee. I’ve written a bunch of chapters already but still have a long way to go. Let’s keep on praying that Jean doesn’t die in canon, because when he dies I’m as good as dead, meaning no jeankasa baby from me to you XD
Its my pleasure! You are a great written! You deserveit! OMG there is part VI! I can’t wait for it!
Thank you! I’ve outlined the novela to have Part VI to Part VIII. Fingers crossed I’ll have the energy to go through the entire thing. It really all depends on what happens in canon XD
I forgot to say a thing!
Jean being an author on the top of all his qualities? THATS SO CLEVER!
I can imagine him keeping writing as an hobby! To be fair with you I always had this hc where both of them, Mikasa and Jean, quite love art expressions. Mikasa as simple as she is, finds simple art activity like sewing and knitting very relaxing. As for Jean, drawing and writing. And also painting? Omg, Mikasa finds him in his studio dressed all shabby like an artist, concentrated on the paint… so HOT
“How do you feel about this?”
“I want to feel it inside me right now.”
As for the writing, one night after a very loving and steamy hot love making, Mikasa could suggest a very amusing thing. Maybe she and Jean had to writes about their love life. Especially their lovemaking.
“It’s actually a thing. So many miserable females reads these while actually touching themselfs. They’re unsatisfied by their love life, so they read about guys who can actually do it right right. *laughs* You’re not one of them, considerd yourself very lucky, angel.”
“Oh… *she had no idea, caressing her husband head while it rest on her naked chest* …Maybe…maybe we should just teach them?”
“Eh? Like, doing it in front of them? *his perv mind imagine things* … If you really want to do it, we could-“
“No! *panics* …No way…”
“Ah. I see, sorry! It just sounded like you wanted to be watched by-“
“Written…”
“Eh?”
“I mean… *blush* …there’s no way that I could make someone watch our activities…”
“Yeah, our hot, primal, shameful sex…”
“Y-Yeah…” blush deep* “…But how about we writes about it? Like this, it didn’t sound so shameful.”
“Mm… That’s a great idea!”
“It is?”
“Good girl. *cuddles with her* …So. Let’s make and example paragraph.”
“Uhm. *cuddles* “”Jean, in his tall and young , beautiful splendor was-“”
“Jean? *laughs* Are we gonna use my name?”
“There’s so many Jean’s in this world!”
“And they’re all tall and splendors?” *smacks am hand on her ass*
“Mmh… Mister J, in his-“
“AHAHAHAHA”
“…I can’t find a better option at the moment…!”
“Sor- aha! Sorry! Please continue. What am I doing in my tall, beautiful splendor?”
“-was making fun of Mrs. M, who’s trying so hard to find a not so obscene way to write about their love life! Mrs. M was actually very pleased about it, she always find herself a thinking “aren’t I the luckiest woman alive, being tangled with such a childish; but caring and loving husband”.
“Uhm. How about the sex?”
“”It was not just the sex, it was the entire package of everything that her husband was consisted that make everything so perfect. He was always so patient and so dedicated. He always put his family at first place despite his work. He never got tired of having his wife around, even during hard times.”” *hugs him tight*
“… How talkative you are today.” *
“It wasn’t always rainbows and butterflies. Mrs. M isn’t so easy to manage. She was and still is actually quite selfish sometimes, and not the best conversations could came out of her. She’s too shy or too demanding. Plus, when she got mad, she got big mad. And crazy jealous. But still…””
“…”
“Mrs. J never abandoned her. He never got tired of her entire package of flaws even if his package of good qualities was heavier that hers. Maybe… It was because deep inside of him, he knows how much that silly, silly wife loves him. She didn’t display it that much, she didn’t talk about it that much. But she loves him more than anyone on this word, and she just want him to know. That she appreciate him and worship him as her God, that she will be totally lost without him. That she just wanted for once letting him know about her feelings…”
“I…*gets emotional* I know you love me. But…It’s just so great to hear about it. I love you, Mikasa.” *holds her tight and kiss* I really really do.”
“So. What better method of appreciation would be writing about our love life and satisfy that little sparks of black perversion that you seems to love? Or course, better fake names.”
“I think that we could do this. But mind you, even womens like Geraldine could read this, while pleasuring herself and imagine me!” *jokes*
“…”
“I-I was just kidding!”
“It’s fine.”
“Eh…?”
“I say it’s fine! She’s miserable. At least, she will have some relief! Plus, I’m sure that she imagine you in every love making she had with husband or lovers. It’s fine! After all, you’re mine… *gets on top of him* Let’s imagine her watching us through a small crack in the wall…”
“I bloody love this side of you, Mikasa…!”
So sorry about this!
Wow, that wasn’t “a thing” it was a goddamn short story! Love it, so hilarious and sweet at the same time! My favourite part was when Mikasa said she doesn’t mind if Lady G fantasises about Jean in bed. I mean, that’s the ultimate open-mindedness, something very magnanimous coming from the likes of the possessive and jealous Mikasa.
I can totally imagine Mikasa being good at sewing. In her OVA they made her do embroidery, so we can say it’s canon that she’s good with the needle (not THAT needle you’re thinking about, the OTHER needle XD). And in Jean’s OVA he can draw, so painting is a natural extension of it.
I can’t remember which interview but I do recall Isayama himself saying that the best at academics are Armin, Marco, Jean…so I can imagine them all knowing how to write well.
Jean and Mikasa are totally hot together; I can imagine them being turned on by the idea of someone watching them. I’ve made Jean fantasise about wife-sharing already so being at the receiving end of voyeurism isn’t too far fetched. Imagining Lady G watching through a crack in the wall was downright kinky! XD
You could make it their guilty secret: writing trashy paperback romance novels under a joint pseudonym: J. Michel Steinmann or something, ahaha! They publish their works containing stuff you described in your short story. The books sell well enough for them to earn a side income, which they save for their children’s weddings as well as down payment or deposit gifts for when the children buy their first real estate properties and so on…Wonderful parents, ey??
Don’t EVER apologise for writing smut fanfic; you know I enjoy reading as much as I do writing!
Darling mine! Maybe and I said MAYBE I learned how writing comments here!
This story was AMAZING, you have no idea about how much it brighten up my oh-so-hard-working days! It was a roll coasters of emotions and I loved to ride it till the end!
There was so many times that I wanted to slap Mikasa right in her DAMN pretty face: at the first chapters, when she demanded all the sex that her husband could her give I felt like a very overprotective mom: why my daughter is acting this heartless and slutty towards poor Jeanboy?! You used to be such a pure sweetheart! AND NOW SHE’S WEARING THONGS
Mikasa’s reaction about her obsessed baby making sexual drive could be very amusing: “Me wearing WHAT? I don’t recall this, at all!”
Too bad for her that Jean saved them!
Then, her crazy jealous phase. In that occasion, I wanted to hit few times. Poor Geraldine that will probably definitely love her and being good friends! Isn’t her fault that Jean is such an amazing guy! Can’t help but fall in love with him! PLUS HE CLEARLY PREFER AND LOVES YOU MORE THAN THE MOST BEAUTIFUL RICH GIRL IN THE HEART PREFERRING YOU SKILLED PEELING POTATO GIRL SO WHY YOU SO HARD WITH MY POOR GERALDINE BABE AND POOR JEANBOY
Then, the chapters of Marley’s war happened.
AND NOW I’M SORRY AND I JUST WANT TO HUG AND KISS AND PROTECT MY QUEEN
And then Philip happened. SO CUTE!!!!
He is such a cutie! So lovely! I love him!!
Life were so evil with Mikasa and Jean! But I guess that this little boy is just made for bringing them peace and joy. Or something more will be in their future? I can’t wait to know more!
Than you my darling! I hope that you had fun in writing as much as I had in reading your amazing stories!!!
xoxo
OMFG Bob! I thought you’ve abandoned my blog forever. Thank heavens you’re back! I messaged you on Instagram and sent a pic. Yep, I downed the entire bottle of wine to celebrate my finishing this story. My brain is still functioning, so don’t worry?
First and foremost, thank you for finally putting your thoughts down into words for me. You really ought to do that more often; thoughts come and go and if we don’t write them down immediately then we forget. And that’s a waste, methinks. You know I *love* your fucking hilarious and impassioned reactions to my stories. It really means the world to me knowing that through these stories you’re feeling something other than exhaustion from the demands of work.
Without you I wouldn’t have considered fleshing out Geraldine’s character the way I did. If you didn’t take an interest in her she would have been described in about three-fourths of a chapter and that’s it. Now that I’m working on Part VI I’m truly glad I took the time to bring her to life; it makes writing the next part a lot easier. So I’m grateful to you❤ Big MWAH!!!
Duh, about Mikasa being slutty to her hubby, you adore her that way, I know you do XD. And Jean does, too. If you were in my shoes you’d make her even sluttier, with pegging and all kinds of anal games. You’ll even make her wear pearl thongs. I made her wear lace—I’m a nun compared to you! XD So don’t give me that overprotective mum spiel; we’re smut writers and it’s what we do!
I’m glad that potato peeling thing made an impression on you. I personally hate peeling potatoes (I like to eat them with the peel on) so I made Mikasa an expert at it 😀 The same goes with the baking.
You already know what’s coming up in the next part because I told you and you gave me your great idea about THAT issue I was scratching my head over. Let’s just hope I remain sober enough to do justice to the chapter. Oh, wait, I’ve already written it XD
Thank you so very much once again for dragging your tired but lovely ass over to this silly blog and FINALLY getting into writing mode. Your reward is that I won’t bug you anymore about commenting so you can now proceed to live your days free from hana’s relentless guilt-tripping?
Chat with you later!
omg, i can’t believe this wonderful part is over already! now i don’t know what i’ll read before i go to sleep lololol. hana, as i predicted, the stoway ended up being my favorite part.
i really enjoyed reading this side of jeankasa, a completely human side, that although they are both one of my favorite characters in the series with pieck, i liked reading how they faced their problems like any average human being! they are not perfect, nor do they have a perfect life, but that’s okay because we are human and it really encourages me at this time in my life! 😀
i already said it, but thank you so much for sharing your stories with us and i will be looking forward to the protegee!
Oh Myri! Thank you, thank you, thank you. Your kind words warmed my heart, really, truly.
The idea of a consummated jeankasa is fascinating for me (Imagine waiting for someone for nearly a decade!); I can’t ever get enough of them. I think them getting married is a symbol of hope for the ordinary human. As an ordinary human who can’t live without hope I fantasise/write about them being together to keep this hope alive for all of humanity (dramatic, eh?)
Just hearing you tell me that you enjoyed my take on the couple is enough to keep my weakened heart beating (I know I’m being overly dramatic but I can’t help it! *sniffles*). Perfection doesn’t exist, and the most we can hope for are people doing the best they can to the best of their abilities. Jean and Mikasa in this novela are doing just that. I love how you love them!
I had no idea you’re a Pieck stan! I love Pieck, too, and have been wishing to write a fanfic about her and the rest of the Marleyan warriors (my fave amongst them being Zeke). Obviously I’ve never gotten around to doing so. I hope the anime coming out in autumn will encourage me to actually write something. Pieck’s amazing, and I love her relationships with Porco, Zeke, Gabi…she’s like a mum figure to them.
If you’re looking for bedtime reading, may I humbly suggest my other stories? Hehehe, sorry for the bad recommendation. Some of the stories on my blog never get read so I’ll always be happy if someone does read and comment on them, even if it’s just to tell me the stories are boring as fuck.
Oh, BTW, if you are to ship Pieck with someone, who would that be? 😀
I can’t believe it’s over. I really enjoyed this side of Jean and Mikasa’s story (the daily updates were the highlight of my day for the past few weeks). The way they were fleshed out felt very genuine and getting to know them as parents was such a joy. Thank you so much.
Hi shena! Thank you so much for reading from beginning to end, and for taking the time to comment. I felt I was being overly dramatic in some parts of the story but I’m so glad to hear you enjoyed it. It was fun trying to imagine jeankasa as parents. I tried to think of them as real people and work out what it was like to be combat personnel at war, as well as a young couple under extraordinary circumstances.
I’m currently working on the next part of the novela where we’ll be seeing them not just as parents but also as mentors to the younger generation. Given my writer’s snail pace I don’t know when I’ll finish it, but it should come out sometime after Chapter 132 of the manga. In the meantime, please browse around my blog and (hopefully) find a story or two that’ll cheer you up.
Thanks again for the thoughtful comment. It means so much to me. Wishing you a great day from Tokyo!